February 26, 2004

My Loving Boyfriend and I got in a fight last night. Normally we don't fight at all, but when we do it's a rough time. I think that argument has been simmering for a little while, with neither of us willing to talk about anything. (Boyfriend and I are both a little stubborn that way.)

Boyfriend has been under alot of stress lately, and the same is true for me. Yesterday, there was a "straw that broke the camel's back", despite spending a good day together at the movies. Tempers flared up, and went at each other for a bit. While it wasn't a screaming match, it was still an incredible emotional drain and I was wiped out by the end of the night.

He went to bed before I did, and by the time I turned in he was fast asleep. I laid awake for about 2 hours, unable to fall asleep. Around 3 a.m. he woke up, and rolled over to talk to me.

Him: "Are you still awake?"
Me: "Yeah."
Him: "Why can't you sleep?"
Me: "Too much to think about."
Him: "Want to snuggle?"
Me: "..." (thinking he was still angry at me)
Me: "Sure."
He pulls me close, curling up against my back and covering me with part of his blanket.
Him: "Mmm, good. I Love you baby, goodnight."
Me: "I Love you too."

And that's when I finally cried. But it felt good.

February 25, 2004

All I feel right now is sadness. It's shit like this that makes me wonder if being in a relationship is really worth the trouble and the heartache. Are the good times enough to overshadow the bad ones?

I don't want to talk about it. I just want to cry so I can release some of this tension inside of me. And I think I will.

"Whatever words I say, I will always love you..."

February 24, 2004

Law and Order SVU thoughts:

Premise: Girls in a popular clique at school kill another girl of the same clique, because she hooked up with the ringleader's boyfriend.

People that watched the show tonight might think that a story like that is very extreme and far-fetched. The sad part is that I didn't see it that way. I've only been out of high-school for about 3 years, and I still remember the "mafia-mentality" of those girls. While I was never a target for thier harassment, I knew people who were.

Kids are cruel to each other. High-schoolers are worse. Girls can be the most vicious of them all.

If a boy gets into a fight at school, it's not too big of a deal. That's what teenage guys do when they're pissed at each other, right? They pound on each other until they're pulled apart, and told not to do it again. Girls are very different, in the ways they display aggression. They're not as obvious about it. Girls tend to rely more on the emotional aspect of abuse, they get into each other's heads. Good girls don't get into fights, come home with scrapes on their knuckles or get suspended for throwing another girl into a locker, so they find other ways to fight.

Girls much more subtle about it, and infinitely crueler. Bruises heal, scrapes mend and cuts can be bandaged. But the emotional distress that girls can inflict upon each other can create mental scars that last a lifetime.

Just something interesting to think about.

Note: There's actually books written about this - Odd Girl Out being the most well-known. Definitely good reading, if the subject interests you.

February 23, 2004

Head pounding. Pain unbearable.

Must. Find. Asprin.


February 20, 2004

I was flipping through the channels (in a quest for better background noise to my endless internet roaming) and came upon the Sharon Osbourne show in the middle of the musical performance. My first thought (well, technically second thought because the first was "Hello hottie lead singer/guitarist") was that the song being played sounded quite familiar. Then I thought that the singer's voice sounded quite familiar too. A few moments later, after my sleep-deprived brain was able to put 2 and 2 together, I realized it was 311 playing a cover of The Cure's "Love Song." Apparently it's on the 50 First Dates soundtrack.

So, for lack of anything better to do, I checked out MTV.com to see if there was a video, which there is. I have to say that I really like this song. Don't get me wrong, I like the original, but this one has a nice, mellow beat that I can groove on. Very cool.

Now I've got to add it to my playlist using Kaz... erm, I mean using my free iTunes download from my Pepsi cap.


To: Housemate with the room next to mine

Re: Your Alarm Clock

To whom it may concern,

I understand the need to employ the use of an alarm, as it is a crucial tool when attempting to awake at a predetermined hour to make a timely arrival at the workplace. However, I must ask that if you do not intend to get up until 7:00 a.m., please do not set your alarm for 5:30 a.m. While you may be able to continue sleeping through 30 minutes of blaring talk radio before gaining enough conciousness to hit the snooze button, the intolerable noise level of said talk radio show makes sleep quite impossible for those of us who also reside in this house.

It is desirable that you either set the alarm for the actual time you intend to awake, or lower the volume on the alarm so that it does not continue to wake your housemate (who has only been in bed for an average of 1 hour by 5:30 a.m.) And I understand that it may have taken some time to find the single most annoying morning talk-radio show on the air, it is also requested that you change the alert to the default beeping that most people find acceptable.

Thank you for your concern on this matter. Any questions or concerns may be directed to me personally, after which I will give you a practical demonstration of the irritation your alarm causes.


February 15, 2004

Dee Subs

So apparently the commercials for a certain sub shop starring some odd, singing animals is quite popular. I say this because I've gotten 50 hits in the last hour from a myriad of different search engines, all looking for the same thing. (50 hits may not be much to some, but I average about 50 hits a day.)


Time Warp

I've got hours worth of music on my playlist, and hop from genre to genre thanks to the beauty of shuffle play. It's normally just background music, a convienent soundtrack to whatever I happen to be doing. I'll still sing along or tap my foot, despite being focused on the task at hand.

But every once in a while a song comes on that makes me stop and really listen. Not because it's something I've never heard, but because it changes my state of mind. Music was a huge influence in my life when I was younger. There are numerous songs with great personal meaning attached, mostly reminders of my angsty teenage years, and when I hear them I can't help but regress.

I remember why that song is important to me; what I was doing, who I was with and how I felt when I heard it. Sometimes it's a pleasant memory, sometimes not. But it is always a reminder of the person I used to be, and then a comparison to the person I am now. It becomes a reflection on my life, basically.

When the song is over, I snap out of my song-induced trip to space, I am left with the realization that I've grown up. It's an odd feeling.

/self-analyzing thoughts

PS: This post was inspired by a similar post made by Kyle today.

Prepare for Takeoff....

So, I love my new layout, and I have Maystar* Designs to thank. It's simple and uncomplicated, but much more interesting than black and white. It was a little tough to get everything the way I wanted it, as my programming skills are quite limited. I think that staring at code for hours at a time is something I will leave to my Loving Boyfriend. :)

Everything should be working now, and if it's not please let me know. I'll be adding more eventually, now that I have the tough stuff done. As always, comments and suggestions are appreciated.

February 14, 2004

Messing around with a new layout, trying to get everything to work.

Things will be quite screwy for a while.

It's A Lovely Day...

Happy Valentine's Day

February 13, 2004

I just realized, after reading through my older posts, that I talk about TV. Alot.

Please know that I don't spend my life camped out in front of the television. :)

Survivor All-Stars thoughts:

1. Jenna's departure came as a suprise, but I honestly don't blame her. Survivor is just a game, and while it may be life-altering for those who play it, it's still just a game. Jenna had a feeling that she needed to go home, and she had every right to do so. Eight days after she gets home, her mother dies. Those last days spent with her mother are more valueable than any amount of money that could be won. Also goes to show that you should never doubt a woman's intuition.

I was told I would need tissues for that episode, but stupidly I didn't get some before I started watching. I then proceeded to cry continually, and was left wishing I had been wearing water-proof mascara.

2. The Reward Challenge was certainly interesting. While I didn't think the challenge would be uniting to all the tribes, I was surprised at how much it divided them. I was most disappointed to see Rupert acting like such a stubborn git about the house plans. But the only person who has a right to bitch about the house is Jerri, because she was the only person who seemed to voice any kind of opposition to his ideas. Jenna L. and Ethan seemed to just go with the flow.

3. Richard is much smarter than his tribe gives him credit for. Much smarter. The man caught one shark (getting bitten in the process) and is revered as a "Fishing God" among his tribe. While his tribemates think he was just hungry and looking for better food, he was carving himself a very clever little niche. He's a crafty one, that Richard. Although I wish he would relinquish the "Resident Naked Man" title to Colby. :)


February 11, 2004

Ya know what? Those Quizno's commercials still freak me out. They're just too weird.

In case you were wondering, you can watch the inspiration for those commercials here. Thanks to Mike for the link.

And while I am on the subject of commercials...

I have finally figured out who it is that narrates the Tropicana commercial. It's Jamie Lee Curtis.


Somehow I thought figuring that out would be more satisfying. Hrm.

February 07, 2004

Apparently when Hummer was designing the behemoth that is the H2, they forgot one very important detail.

The turn signal.

Because neither of the two that I was stuck behind today seemed to know how to use one. :P

Found some great and unique photography over at Daily Dose of Imagery. Be sure to check the archives, there's many amazing shots in there.

I'm quite jealous because he has a Canon Digital Rebel and I don't. :)

February 06, 2004

No Survivor All-Stars thoughts tonight, because I didn't get to watch the whole thing. I saw bits of it, because of the clips posted on CBS.com, but not enough to form any kind of opinion on what's going on.

Oh well, not like I need to watch more TV anyways. :)

February 05, 2004

Okay. So Mikey and Kevin have both mentioned this, but I really wanted to say something about it too.

The new Quizno's ads really freak me out. I mean, what are those things? What was their marketing division thinking? "Hey, let's put really freaky mutant animals on our commercials. Better yet, we'll make them sing stupid songs in a nails-on-the-chalkboard voice. Brilliant!"

Have they ever heard of a "Focus Group"? yeesh.

February 03, 2004

I have a confession to make. I love watching Antiques Roadshow. While it can be boring alot of the time, when you see someone with some $15 garage sale item that turns out to be worth $50K, it can get pretty interesting.

I'm just sayin', don't knock it 'til you've watched it. :)

February 01, 2004

Survivor All-Stars Thoughts: (briefly)

Chapera: Great teamwork on the Immunity Challenge. But I think that back at camp there will probably be issues arising due to the opposing views and tempers of certain tribe members. The bickering is going to get really old after a while, and I think that the tensions my translate over into Immunity/Reward Challenges, and be quite detrimental to their success.

Saboga: A very diverse group, that seemed to get along quite well. At least, until the whole "Winners vs. Losers" issue arose. They didn't seem to have it all together during the Immunity Challenge, but I am hoping they can rally the tribe morale, and bounce back in later challenges. I wouldn't want to see them take the road that the Morgan Tribe (Pearl Islands) took, where they begin lose challenge after challenge simply because they took their first defeat too hard. Plus, my favorite Survivor ever is in that tribe. :)

Mogo Mogo: From the beginning this tribe displayed a great ability to work together, whether building thier shelter or trying to make fire (although unsucessful). They even agreed to drop the strategy aspect, and focus on the things that were important to the tribe as a whole. With the exception of Richard. I can see his arrogance creating a wedge between him and the rest of the tribe, and he should know that alienating all the members of his tribe would be counterproductive to creating alliances. But if should definitely make for an interesting show.

Superbowl thoughts:

I'm curious how many people watch for the game, as compared to those who watch for the commercials.

Me? I'm in the second category. I've never been much of a football fan, or sports fan in general. Although I do enjoy watching the West Coast division of the NBA playoffs. Other than that, I just can't get into it.


Yes, Janet Jackson flashed a breast. No, I don't care.