June 30, 2004

All Work And No Play...

Too much work, not enough time.... wait, scratch that. I have plenty of time.

It's patience I am running short on.


June 29, 2004


I'm in such a weird mental state at the moment that I can't even write an entire, coherent entry. So here's a list of the thoughts swimming through my head.

- I want to be anywhere but here.
- Apathy is an uncomfortable emotion for me.
- Something is missing in my life. But I have no idea what it could be.
- My day would have been better if I had just slept through it.
- How can I expect anyone else to believe in me, when I can't even believe in myself?
- Despite the many good people I know (online and off) I am still losing the little faith I have in humanity.

Hopefully all these thoughts will be gone when I wake up tomorrow. That's usually how it works with me.

June 24, 2004

Oot and Aboot

Him: I want to go to Vancouver, B.C.
Me : Why?
Him: Because I can get stoned in a coffee shop and not get arrested for it.
Me : So what am I supposed to do while you're getting baked?
Him: Go take pictures or something.
Me : Of what?
Him: I don't know... Go take photos of the weird stuff Canadians build.... Like hockey pucks!
Me : ...

Sorry ladies, he's allll mine.

June 23, 2004

I got the chance to chat with my friend in Iraq today. It was a little unnerving, he didn't sound like his usual self. His sharp wit and sarcasm was greatly subdued, almost nonexistent. Then I found out that five of his friends have been killed in recent weeks. Five. It would be difficult enough to lose one friend to violent circumstances, let alone five. I think my heart broke a little bit for him, because no one should have to go through that.

He did have some good news for me, which was quite welcome after discussing the heavy topics of war, death and morality. As it turns out, he will be home on a two week leave later this week. His first item of business is to escape to a cabin in the woods, girlfriend in tow, for four days. A bit of a 'detox' period that I'm sure is greatly needed. But once he's back in the city, he and I will go have some coffee and chat. I'm really looking forward to this, it's been ages since I've seen him.

Extreme circumstances tend to change people, and I'm a bit afraid to find out how much this war has changed him. I remember an intelligent, quick-witted, sharp-tongued young man who was only 19 but could easily pass for 25. I'm hoping that, despite the things he has been though, he'll still be the same man that I remember, only a few years older and wiser.

June 22, 2004


Two Three 'near beers' (read: Smirnoff Twisted Green Apple Malt Beverage) on an empty stomach and Melissa is a haaaappy girl.


P.S. I should be signed on to AIM tonight, so message me if you're bored. :)

What Was I Talking About?

I logged into Blogger with the full intent to post something interesting that I had thought of a few moments before.

I was then distracted by something shiny, and have since completely forgotten what I was going to post about.

It's one of those days.

June 20, 2004

Welcome Back to Reality

What a wonderful weekend. I had forgotten how much I love visiting the coast. I had also forgotten that every time I see the ocean, it throws my mind into this bizarre contemplative turmoil.

A great deal of my weekend was spent pondering my future and purpose on this earth. And while that may make for intelligent, thoughtful posts, I'm not ready to write it all down just yet.

Some people use drugs to reach an altered state of mind, I just need to see the ocean.

June 18, 2004

I *heart* The Ocean

The climate around here has finally realized that it's summer, so it's shorts and t-shirts for everyone! About damn time.

I'm heading out for the weekend, to enjoy some sunshine and ocean air. Sand, sun, surf and cute boys with no shirts on. Should be all kinds of fun.


Sweet Release

My bad mood has been remedied, and I am feeling much better. :)

I am also feeling generous. So who wants a Gmail account? I have 2 invites to give away.

June 17, 2004

It's Not You, It's Me... OK, It's You.

All hail me, for I am Queen Bitch of the World today. Something's wrong in my head, (shocking, I know), and it's making me all kinds of irritable. Everything is getting on my nerves.

Loving Boyfriend took a nap and woke up with a crappy attitude, so maybe that has rubbed off onto me. Or it might be because I haven't eaten anything yet today.

In any case, I'm feeling a wee bit cross at the moment. Hmph.

June 16, 2004

Will Work for Photo Processing

I've got four rolls of Kodak color 800 ISO film sitting on my desk. Three of the rolls are from last Saturday when I went to tour the Navy ships docked downtown. Since I had to wander through the summer festival to get to the ships, I also snapped a few photos of the midway and thrill rides.

I'm not 100% positive what is on the other roll, but it's most likely that it contains photos from around my yard, taken during a fit of both inspiration and boredom.

Hopefully I'll get them developed today. Although, that cost will be going on my Visa card because I am broke.

Depending on how they turn out, I might even post them. We'll see.


I'm a bit of a vocabulary whore. I love learning new words, a trait inherited from my Dad. (He's the vocabulary master, and has kicked my ass at Scrabble more times than I care to count.) If I don't know a word, I'll look it up and make a point to remember it. While I don't find grammar and language structure to be terribly interesting, but words and their definitions fascinate me.

Anyways, I saw this Vocabulary Test over at Kevin's, and I just had to try it.

My score? 160, with no "wild guess" answers. Not bad, if I do say so myself.

If you decide to take the test, come back and post your score. :)

June 15, 2004

He's Alive!

About a month ago, I mentioned that the little crab in my fishtank had died.

Well, apparently the rumors of Houdini's demise were quite exaggerated. I lifted the lid on the filtering pool last night, only to find his beady little crab-eyes staring back at me.

How can this be? According to my mom, crabs shed their shells like a snake sheds its skin. So, the bits of crab in the bottom of the tank that I thought were Houdini's remains were just the bits of shell that came off as he grew a wee bit bigger.

Seeing as I cleaned the tank after he "died", I don't know how I didn't spot him. But he's alive and well, which makes me happy.

I'm Up, That Doesn't Mean I'm Awake

What is this? I am awake before the clock reads 12pm?

I have a meeting to go to in about 30 minutes, hence the reason I am out of bed at this unholy hour.

And considering I managed to snag only 4 hours of sleep before this morning, I will be coming home from that meeting and promptly passing out.

June 14, 2004

So, Christy was right, today is another day.

He apologized this morning. He realized that it wasn't what he said, but the way he went about saying it. I'm not asking him to sugar-coat everything for my benefit, I realize that the truth can hurt sometimes. I let him know that the reason I became so upset was because I was hurt by the way he was talking to me. He let his temper override his rationality, which resulted in his words seeming condescending and overly critical.

We agreed that next time we need to discuss something, we'll be sure to think before we speak. It would save us alot of trouble.

He also made me lunch.

I'm such a pushover.

We had a fight today.
I alternated between wanting to cry and wanting to throw something at him.
Once he went to bed, I broke.
I know he could hear me.
But he never come out of the bedroom.
It's probably for the best that he stayed in there.
Because I didn't want to see him.
Or talk to him.
Now I'm just sitting here.
Nursing an aching heart.


June 10, 2004


Blogger/Blogspot has this nifty little feature for tracking visits to your site, called BStats. You put the script into your code, and it tracks your visits for the day/week/month, as well as referrers.

But I'm sure it would work alot better if the BStats site wasn't 404 for 90% of the day. I can log in and check my stats in the evening, but it doesn't really matter because when BStats is down, it can't track anything.

It's annoying. Hmph.

I despise diet soda. Diet Coke, Diet Pepsi, Diet Mt. Dew, it doesn't matter. It all tastes disgusting to me. Aspartame leaves an icky flavor in my mouth, and if I drink more than one can, it leaves me feeling nauseous. In fact, I drastically cut back on the amount of soda I drink, just so I wouldn't feel the need to switch to diet.

So I was at the grocery store today, and I decided to get a soda to go with my dinner tonight. I was looking in the cooler, trying to decide between Pepsi or Mt. Dew, when I saw this. Pepsi Edge, with 50% less sugar? I was skeptical, but it didn't have aspartame listed on the label, so I bought it.

Wouldn't you know, it actually tastes like real Pepsi. I'll be damned.

June 08, 2004

This meme caught my attention, when I saw it over at Kyle's. Enjoy :)

10 Bands You've Seen Live?
1. Everclear
2. Eve 6
3. The Presidents of the United States of America
4. Dashboard Confessional
5. Deftones
6. Lit
7. Smashing Pumpkins
8. Static-X
9. Powerman 5000
10. Incubus

9 Things You're Looking Forward To?
1. Going to sleep tonight
2. Waking up tomorrow
3. Summer sunshine
4. Owning a Canon Digital Rebel
5. Going to college
6. Traveling the world
7. Learning a foreign language (Preferably Latin)
8. Marrying my Loving Boyfriend
9. Raising a family

8 Things You Wear Daily?
1. Shirt
2. Bra / Underwear
3. Pants
4. Socks
5. Shoes
6. Slippers
7. Watch
8. Dr. Pepper Lipsmackers

7 Things That Annoy You?
1. People who talk during movies
2. Road Construction
3. Ignorance
4. Computers
5. Bad movies
6. When my photographs don't turn out the way I thought they would
7. Neighbors cats fighting with my Kitty

6 Things You Touch Every Day?
1. Myself, in a number of different places
2. Loving Boyfriend, in a number of different places
3. Toothbrush
4. Laptop
5. Keys
6. Kitty

5 Things You Do Every Day?
1. Shower
2. Check my email
3. Feed my fishes
4. Stretch
5. Read

4 Of Your Favorite Musicians or Bands?
1. Dashboard Confessional
2. U2
3. Garbage
4. PM5K

3 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over?
1. Lord of the Rings Trilogy
2. Office Space
3. The Lion King

2 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment?
1. Johnny Hollow - Dark Thing (Obsession Mix)
2. Dashboard Confessional - As Lovers Go

1 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With?
1. My Loving Boyfriend

June 06, 2004


My friend wasn't among those killed in Baghdad on Saturday. I am relieved.. And for that I feel guilty. I know that someone, somewhere is devastated by the death of a person they cared about. No one should have to go through that, and my heart goes out to those families.

In other news, this is my 100th post.

June 04, 2004

My local news just reported that 5 soldiers were killed while on patrol in Baghdad today. 3 of those soldiers were part of the 2/162nd Infantry based in Oregon.

I have a friend in the 2/162nd. Thier identities have not been released, due to pending notification on family. So I will be waiting and praying I don't hear a newscaster saying his name tomorrow.

Once my brother was home safely, I was relieved that I didn't have someone to worry about anymore. Then I found out my friend was stationed in Baghdad. I only got the chance to speak with him once, over AIM. I asked him if it was relatively safe where he was, he said "No, not really."

Now I am worrying again, and it makes me want to cry.

June 03, 2004

Carry this picture for luck....

Went to the Dashboard Confessional concert tonight, 'twas quite fun. There were 3 opening bands; Rescue Effort, The Get-Up Kids and Thrice... But I wasn't too impressed with any of them. If I had known any of their songs, I probably would have been a bit more interested. Imagine that.

Dashboard Confessional was fantastic, as expected. Chris Carrabba chatted with the crowd, and encouraged them to sing along with every song. (Which is a Dashboard standard, I am told.) A good mix of old songs and new songs, some I knew and some I didn't. I even bought myself a concert tee, which I haven't done in about 5 years. Although, I would have brought my digicam if I knew they would be allowing them inside.

Emo kids, (with their shaggy hair, new vintage tees, Converse All-Stars, black Dickies and studded belts), were out in droves. I don't get the whole Emo thing, probably because I've never identified with any kind of 'fashion/music movement', (punk, goth, prep, etc.) in my life. If it sounds good, I'll listen to it. If it's cute and comfy, I'll wear it. I'm a simple girl.

Thefact that 95% of the people there looked like they would need to be home before curfew made me feel quite old and out of place. My Best Friend, (who attended with me), and I started discussing whether or not we were too old for concerts. We decided that we'll never be too old for concerts, but we'll more carefully pick and choose which ones we decide to attend.

It was a good night. And I am fighting a nasty headache, so I bid you a good night.